d.i.y.

Drawn (and quartered??)

OK, it’s over, I’m back, and I’m feeling good….

I had major abdominal surgery Monday, January 25.

This pic is me just back from hospital, about 12 pounds lighter, looking like death warmed over. I’ve improved since….

I chose to undergo this surgery, because I wanted to be a whole person again. I knew it would be tough: I had the same operation 11 months ago under emergency conditions, which couldn’t quite finish the job (too risky). It took me five months after that one to choose going through it again.

Pre-op

Operation

Guts

I prepared for it a month: physically (diet), but especially mentally and emotionally, projecting myself into my future self newly healed and whole again. Which was the point.

Bigger and Badder!

Carroll suggested visualizing the institution, which has me sprawled on a gurney wired up and I.V.ed to the max, as caring for me, not imprisoning me. Good idea.

I spent a full week in hospital. Sunday, January 31, talking to the surgeon doing rounds about leaving the next day or two, she said, “Well, you could go home today if you want to.”

This pic is after several days at home, a couple of pounds heavier, appetite good, food good, loving care. It says, “I’m back! Bigger and badder!”

Home! I was well cared for in the hospital, but it remained an alien, stressful place especially at night: no one around, huge empty spaces, eerie lights and sounds, a blank canvas for bad dreams and half-waking paranoia.

Home heals. Don’t ever let anyone tell you home doesn’t matter, it’s just a place. Please: it’s home.

Drawing

Today for the first time since the surgery I did some art – these 6 little pics to tell some of the story. (All are done with India Ink on 11” x 7½” 140 lb hot press Fabriano paper. Oh yes. Ink applied using my favorite ½ inch thick stick, found in my yard.)

That art imagination and energy are visiting me so early in my recovery is amazing! Last time, it was MONTHS before any sign of artistic imagination re-appeared, much less the energy to DO something!

It took a lot of energy. It tired me. AND it fulfilled me, it made me feel good, and it was most healing!

Last time, it was not until i went to New Zealand 6 months later that anything really happened for me in art! Then, finally, a lot poured forth.

This time, not only am i up to something art-wise after lesss than 3 weeks, just look what’s happened with this little self-portrait: I’m completely absorbed in making the drawings, not thinking of myself at all; and I’m younger and better looking….

You can’t really beat that. I mean, come on! Art! It’s magic!

Climb It!

IT’S A TOUGH MOUNTAIN TO CLIMB, AND THE VIEW FROM THE TOP IS TO DIE FOR!

Looking ahead, less than a day to go, surgery about 9:00 a.m. PST tomorrow. I am calm and confident, looking forward to the event and – most of all – to my future self, whole again in body and wiser in spirit for the task successfully accomplished!

This painting grabbed me by the lapels this morning and demanded that I realize it on paper. The vision of a mountain crag first emerged for me in 2002 on a painting trip I took through Oregon (stopping first at Mt Shasta). It has been haunting me closely these past months, beginning in New Zealand, then in Baja.

Apparently this is a mountain that I need in my life and that, just now, I need to climb.

I’m buckling on my gear, and I’m ready for it. I welcome it! And I will rejoice in the view from the top!

Dread of Surgery

Monday Jan 25th I go in for surgery. Five days in hospital, some weeks to recover. You can read more about it below, if you want. First, the art!

I’ve been preparing for a month in all sorts of ways for this operation. A couple of days ago, two watercolors insisted on becoming visible, and here they are.

Outcome Optimism

The first is “Dread of Surgery.” It’s tiny: 7½” x 5½”. I don’t suppose it needs explanation, and anyway I have no words to add.

The second is “Outcome Optimism.” I need to work on these titles: they are uninspired! But accurate. This one is 11” x 7½”. Again, what you see is what you get.

For your amusement (and mine) I include here also what’s on the BACK of each. It turns out I used paper recycled from a recent culling of my old figure drawings.

The back of “Dread” especially – a Funky Figure – I feel is perfect to accompany the dark “Dread” itself. You surely don’t think it’s an ACCIDENT that it was back there, do you?!?

Funky Figure

The other one, the back of “Optimism,” is totally random.

Medical TMI for the curious/those who love me THAT much:

This is the fix-it follow up to emergency abdominal surgery I had eleven months ago, in late February ‘09. I knew that more remained to be done, but it took me five months to come to the point of being able to imagine CHOOSING to go through that surgery again. Now I’m getting ready to do it (clear liquid diet today and tomorrow).

“Whole person.” You might think this surgery is merely about having a whole body – but believe me, its reach is broader. And on all those levels, I am very stoked to be doing this, anticipating HAVING DONE it and being all fixed up again, the way I was before.

Recovery was slow before – I’m fully back really only the past couple of months in terms of energy; creativity was back in late August, September in New Zealand. Recovery will be faster this time because I’m not going into it sick and near death. Also the anesthesiologist heard my pleas and hit upon ways to keep the various drugs at minimum amounts to do the job. That will help: recovering from the drugs was part of what made it hard before. I’m hoping for fewer (or no!) paranoid hallucinations on the opiates and no cognitive losses once back home, unlike before. I’m an optimist: I think I’ll get all that – and more that I haven’t thought of!

Thanks for listening!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

There I was, boyz and girlz…alone on the bone-chill balcony, Creekside 20 at Bear Valley – the best spot in the place – standing still in sub-freezing weather with my hands in water … painting watercolors.

Insane!

BTW, Santa brought me that jacket (carhartt), and it is warm and tough! (Like me!) (haha)

Here, I want to show you seven little watercolors from that moment — on Arches 300 lb cold press.

Three of them are 5½” x 7½”, three 11” x 7½”, and one is 15” x 11”.

They’re sized in proportion (and tagged).

I don’t have titles for them yet.

They’re just scenes of snow and trees, one also has kids and a dog.

There’s always kids and a dog somewhere, if you look around, ain’t they?

I was happy as a clam painting there while the snow fell — or the icicles on the roof eaves dripped melt right past the railing, sometimes splattering my imprudently placed painting — doing what I love.

You’ll notice, i’m floating these paintings on a dark background to let their lovely raggedy edges show, instead of cropping tight to the painted area. That’s the natural tear of the paper.

cold. snow. This was Yosemite country just a couple days before 2010 staggered in to warm its hands by the fire.

A creek ran along the bottom of the little valley i was painting, and on later days the melt let the grass show through a bit in spots — which is hard to see with these small reproductions, except in the largest, the 15 x 11. Makes me kind of wish i’d done click-enlargements for some of them. But I didn’t, did I?

I loosened up a bit on the 6th and 7th paintings. I was warmed up from the others, had a good sense for what i was painting, by then; and there was something about that golden green tree standing in front of the others that demanded something freer.

I had a go at it.

Thus:

There were eight of us: Alli & T-bird & Crack, Dew-dew & E-Guy & Liesel, Shoobs & Pops.

Oh, and Thomàs the mellow yellow dog was with us, also known as Mana until Rangi’s little brother got named Manu, at which point Rangi announced the dog’s new name.

Which i assiduously respect. But some others rudely slide on this.

Which they definitely would not dare do if the Rangman were here in person to exact discipline. [See Dec 6 post for the Grom.]

It’s all there at Bear, the snow-fun: skiing, snowboarding, sledding, cross-country. Snow balls.

Night falls, indoor rec: Wii games and tripoly, poker, rummy or gin. Vodka. Pink Muchachas [4 parts fine rum, 1 part fine vodka, ½ part cranberry juice].

We did have Jimi’s Back-Country Chili, too, by jove! [See Dec 15 post.] And good! Though I did back off on the spices some, out of concern for the ladies, and I kind of regretted that….

Deep snow. More came. Four-wheel drive or cable chains. Or both. 7,000 feet at the condo, 8,000 on the slopes.

High altitude short breath at first.

It was snowing when we left. It’s probably snowing right now. Look outside and see….

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

New sink & storage

This is a story of shiny, bright, and new.

It’s also about BEFORE and AFTER totally grunge-down cleaning and organizing my studio – following ten years of not really sweating it…!

This photo is of the spanking NEW sink and storage area that never ever ever existed before. NOW it is part of my studio!!! (The AFTER picture..)

Ten years ago, I leapt incautiously from the safety of the cave and the thick bushes at the top of the cliff off the edge into … my third career: Artist.

Carroll always has been supportive of my artistic yearnings. For my birthday that year, she gave me $600 cash to start a studio. I did.

Finally, after ten years of using the studio — ten years of punctuated chaos — I could no longer find anything or do anything. Aaaghhhh!!!!!

Survey this mess:

Marilyn was part of the whole BEFORE debris, buried in piles. The north end of the studio has a crucial worktable: buried.

NOW look at it – would you believe??

Worktable end AFTER

First fire! (AFTER)

Finally, AFTER, a usable worktable emerged from the debris, looking out onto the charming rose garden out the sliding door. Also, the wood stove got repaired and re-painted, most rewardingly resulting in delightful relighting….

More BEFORE:

Desk End BEFORE

Books BEFORE

BEFORE, there was the dreadful chaos of the desk end of the studio.

Books AFTER

AFTER

Previously, books were completely out of control. NOW look at how orderly they are, how they all know their places and stay right there! (Until I start carrying them around using them again….) NOW the stairs are so clear, you can walk up and down them!!!

Under droll and commanding leadership of darling Carroll, order is established once again!

Buffalo

We even dug out the marvelous Rampaging Buffalo previously half-hidden behind stuff. He’s my mascot….

AND I have a giant sheet of paper pinned up on the wall ready for me to mark all over it: Arches 300 lb hot press. 7 feet tall and nearly 4 feet wide! Whee!

Now THAT will be fun.