Drawn (and quartered??)
OK, it’s over, I’m back, and I’m feeling good….
I had major abdominal surgery Monday, January 25.
This pic is me just back from hospital, about 12 pounds lighter, looking like death warmed over. I’ve improved since….
I chose to undergo this surgery, because I wanted to be a whole person again. I knew it would be tough: I had the same operation 11 months ago under emergency conditions, which couldn’t quite finish the job (too risky). It took me five months after that one to choose going through it again.
Pre-op
Operation
Guts
I prepared for it a month: physically (diet), but especially mentally and emotionally, projecting myself into my future self newly healed and whole again. Which was the point.
Bigger and Badder!
Carroll suggested visualizing the institution, which has me sprawled on a gurney wired up and I.V.ed to the max, as caring for me, not imprisoning me. Good idea.
I spent a full week in hospital. Sunday, January 31, talking to the surgeon doing rounds about leaving the next day or two, she said, “Well, you could go home today if you want to.”
This pic is after several days at home, a couple of pounds heavier, appetite good, food good, loving care. It says, “I’m back! Bigger and badder!”
Home! I was well cared for in the hospital, but it remained an alien, stressful place especially at night: no one around, huge empty spaces, eerie lights and sounds, a blank canvas for bad dreams and half-waking paranoia.
Home heals. Don’t ever let anyone tell you home doesn’t matter, it’s just a place. Please: it’s home.
Drawing
Today for the first time since the surgery I did some art – these 6 little pics to tell some of the story. (All are done with India Ink on 11” x 7½” 140 lb hot press Fabriano paper. Oh yes. Ink applied using my favorite ½ inch thick stick, found in my yard.)
That art imagination and energy are visiting me so early in my recovery is amazing! Last time, it was MONTHS before any sign of artistic imagination re-appeared, much less the energy to DO something!
It took a lot of energy. It tired me. AND it fulfilled me, it made me feel good, and it was most healing!
Last time, it was not until i went to New Zealand 6 months later that anything really happened for me in art! Then, finally, a lot poured forth.
This time, not only am i up to something art-wise after lesss than 3 weeks, just look what’s happened with this little self-portrait: I’m completely absorbed in making the drawings, not thinking of myself at all; and I’m younger and better looking….
You can’t really beat that. I mean, come on! Art! It’s magic!
Oh James! THese are wonderful, so full of you-ness.I particularly like “operation” which shows that you have come to terms with what they did to you in there – benevolent reconstruction.
hi susan, thank you! i did a lot of preparation for the surgery for 4 or 5 weeks before, coming to terms with it in prospect mentally and emotionally, putting my energies into the positive results of successful surgery, etc, and it helped. also i talked with the surgeon and anesthesiologist beforehand esp about going light on the drugs, and that helped a lot too. i feel good. i am recovering rapidly! i’ll see you in just a few weeks at tndg!